west coast

"And i miss you (ooooh…)
I’m goin back home to the west coast
I wish you woulda put yourself in my suitcase
I love you
Standin all alone in a black coat
I miss you
I'm goin back home to the west coast"


not even out a week and i miss my california life.
i miss my california friends.
and i have to ask myself "really what does texas have to offer me that california lacks?"
and why does my stupid brain do this to me? the grass is always greener on the other side. i keep running back and forth to get to the other side only to go back again. leave again. go back again. leave again. how much longer will this last? how many more times will my friends say hello and welcome and then goodbye again before they have had enough of my shit?

i think i made a mistake. and i hate mistakes. i think i made a big one. i think i should have stayed in my life in california. sucked it up and pulled through. i think i ruined good things. great things. because of my desire to lay in the greener, lusher grass that most definitely does not exist anywhere except inside my brain. but i'm halfway over to the other side and already it is getting hotter, stickier, more complicated. and now california is the oasis i lack. maybe i just want to be everywhere at once. or nowhere.

maybe if i quit listening to this damn coconut records song i wouldn't be thinking all of these thoughts in the first place. lol.

tibet here i come.